Finding Balance

After a lot of yelling and A LOT of crying the issues Kamil and I had with each other this morning have been worked out. We are both beyond stressed and haven't spent much time together lately. It really seems to be taking it's toll on us both.

From this fight came the realization that one of the reasons I feel that I can barely keep afloat is that I am lacking balance in my life. I am working too much, not seeing my husband enough, and not getting enough time to relax. When I come home everyday, the projects on the house stare me down. When we first bought the house and would come home from the city it felt like we were going on vacation. Now, being in the house stresses me out. I know this feeling wont last forever and that once we finish the living room we will both feel a lot better but for now it's hard not to feel the rush of anxiety almost knock me over when I walk through the door.

A friend of mine gave me a necklace a few years ago that says "Balance" on it. She told me that she bought it for me because I have always been able to attain such balance in my life. I actually laughed when she said that because I didn't necessarily feel like I was able to. She said that from an outsiders perspective I did a wonderful job keeping balance. I've realized since she gave me the necklace that I am better at it than I think and when my life falls out of balance everything falls apart.

Now that I know what the problem is it'll be easier to fix it. I'm not quite sure how to find balance again but I'm sure I'll figure it out. Looks like it's time to put the necklace back on to remind myself what I'm in search of.

Although we fought fervently today, I'm thankful that I have a loving husband who, although at times, can make me want to scream, also loves me unconditionally...even when I throw my chapstick at him. And even though I had to have a break down tonight for us to have a good heart to heart, I am glad that he is able to hear me and really listen to how I am feeling. I KNEW these first several months were going to be very hard in the house. It's easy to say that but it's much more difficult to experience them. I just want to get past this and be able to live our lives and not have it be so hard. Looking forward to those days.

Homeowners!

Since I started this blog there have been so many things I’ve wanted to write about. Somehow there never seems to be enough time to sit down and write down my thoughts. Since October 4 there is one thing in particular that I’ve wanted to write about. On October 4^th Kamil and I put an offer in on a house. I was hesitant to write about it because I was nervous I would jinx it. Now, I’m not a superstitious person but I wanted this house so badly that I was willing to go to the extremes. We put an offer in on another house this past summer and didn’t get it and were devastated. We had both already moved in, in our minds and when we were outbid we had to emotionally move out. It wasn’t something I wanted to do again.

Buying a house is sort of like finding your partner. You have to make sure it’s a good fit. You don’t want to marry the person and then realize after you get married that you can’t stand them, or that you settled. Buying a house is the same thing. Kamil and I both wanted a house we could live in for many years down the road, rather than a starter home we could fix up and then sell in a few years. With this market it’s too unpredictable to know whether we would be able to do that in a few years.

Kamil and I had seen 4 houses the day we first saw this house. Kamil had found the open house and I wasn’t too keen on going since it was further away than we had planned on living originally. I really didn’t want to live any further than an hour outside of NYC since I’m commuting daily and have to be at work at 8:30. This house is an hour and a half to Penn Station. We decided to see it anyway since it was on our way back to Kamil’s mom’s house.

When we pulled up it was a house out of a fairytale, somewhere I’d always dreamed of living. Although I loved it from the outside I still wasn’t convinced. It was on a busy street and with the whole issue from being so far away from the city I was more skeptical than anything. It wasn’t until we got to the second floor that I fell in love. I got to the top of the staircase and saw that there was a second staircase and a 3^rd story!!!

Since I was little I’ve always enjoyed looking at houses. I remember going to a few open houses as a child and picture living there, where my room would be, etc. I lived in the same house from the time I was born until I moved to NYC (excluding college), so I never had the opportunity to move and live in another house. I always thought it would be fun. Yet, if my parents ever sold my house I would be SO upset. It is such a huge part of our family. My parents put so much work into it over the past 30 years.

Anyway, After seeing the 3^rd story Kamil and I decided that we loved the house and really wanted his mom to see it. We left the open house, picked her up and headed back. The couple who was selling it had raised 3 children there and it had very positive vibes. Kamil’s mom loved it, which to me was a very good sign. She hadn’t liked much that we had seen since she was looking out for us and wanted us to find the very best house.

After sleeping on it we decided we loved it enough to put in an offer. The whole process of buying a house took many months for us. First there was negotiating a price, which took about a month. After that we had to negotiate about the oil tank that was in in the ground. Most old houses in Smithtown have oil tanks in the ground. Having an oil tank in the ground isn’t good for the environment since there is a chance they can begin leaking oil into the ground. We wanted to have the oil tank abandoned since it made us nervous to buy a house with such an oil tank. This whole process took another month. And then there was the whole mortgage process, which I think was the most painful process. We never spoke to our loan processor and he wrote the same thing to every email we wrote: “Forwarded to underwriting. TX.” We could have written “You’re an idiot and suck at your job” and he would have still written “Forwarded to underwriting. TX.”

We were worried we would not be able to close by January 5^th and that that would then impact the sellers closing date on their home. We liked the sellers a whole lot and really wanted to try to help them out. Everything worked out and we were able to close on January 6^th.

Although this process took 3 months we are now HOMEOWNERS!!! HOORAY!!! We moved in about a month ago and I still can’t believe it! I cried as we left our NYC apt but I couldn’t be happier with where life is taking us. This is the beginning of a new chapter of our lives. I’m so excited to be a homeowner, to have children and to watch our family grow in this beautiful home.